It's been a rough few years, to be honest, and even though I wanted to become a more positive person, life happens and things don't go our away.
Remember the update where I told you guys things were starting to look good? Well, they were. And then my dad passed away. And my world went down hill again. I found myself at the age of 23, without the two people that would love me no matter what. How does someone deal with that, you may ask. I can't tell you the answer because I'm not sure I know it myself.
I tried to deal with it the best way I could, life moves on and I know it won't stop for anything or anyone, so I kept living. One day at the time. But doing that, trying to move on while pretending nothing happened, made it all worst. I started feeling lost. It was a weird feeling, like life was on automatic mode. Everyday my life was the same, wake up, go to work, go home, sleep, repeat. I didn't take care of myself, the time I had off my mind kept telling me how nothing was worth it anymore, and somehow, I didn't realize how bad I was getting.
I broke down one day and told my significant other that I wanted to die. It was the first time I said it out loud, and cliche as it sounds, it was the first time it felt real. But it was also the first time that I realized something was really wrong. That somehow, I needed to fix it.
I'm in no way ok again, it's been hard and it's been a slow walk, a walk that most of the times, I feel like I can't keep making it. But I have to. I was given this life and I'm the only one who can fix it.
I don't know what the future is going to be like, but I have this feeling that a lot of things are going to change, soon, and I don't know whether I should be afraid or excited. Maybe both, definitely both.
